i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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