Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
