I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
