3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude i'm inner monologue high
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
