He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
