I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
