I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
