sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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