I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
