Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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