So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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