I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
