this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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