just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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