you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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