She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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