so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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