i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize