piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
