smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
