Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
