dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
