the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
