yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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