you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
