wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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