You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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