I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
