So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
