I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
