JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
