Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
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At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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