I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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