my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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