I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
