Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
