that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
