So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
