i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
