I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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