There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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