New low: just hacked my moms facebook
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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