i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
