Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
