There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
