The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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