he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
