I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
