she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
