his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
