I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
