we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
did i walk over a car last night?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
