I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
