He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
