Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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