respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
