coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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