sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.