You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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