I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize